"Does Walker sizzle? Not exactly. Is he a particularly
charismatic speaker? No, he isn’t. But does he sit upon a throne made of the
skulls of his enemies? Yes, yes he does. The November 4 election proved that in
a definitive fashion. And though we are a constitutional republic not given to
men upon thrones, this particular throne deserves consideration for a national
position. We will never go wrong with cool and calculating.
Look at Walker’s results. He slashed money from a bloated
education budget. He dismantled collective bargaining rights for public
employees. He reduced Medicaid spending. And he keeps getting elected in a
state given to Prairie Populism, despite the fact that he tends to think
citizens should be given to self-support.
But what does he offer our collective imagination? What does
he do to inspire us to rally around a cause? What are you, a raging lefty?
You’re missing the point. Walker doesn’t offer us anything, and we should be
cool with that. It’s what we cynical GenXers have been working for—getting the
government off our damn lawn.
Unemployment in Wisconsin has been consistently below the
national average during his tenure. But what about education? Surely
performance suffered with the death blows Walker dealt to the unions and education
spending. Oof, wrong again. So though
the man himself doesn’t sizzle, his record does. And as Conservatives, we
should celebrate that. We should also acknowledge Walker can capably discuss
those accomplishments even if he doesn’t exactly sizzle
in the process.
Sun Tzu wrote, “Invincibility lies in the defense; the
possibility of victory in the attack,” he also wrote, “Move swift as the Wind
and closely-formed as the Wood. Attack like the Fire and be still as the
Mountain.” Though Walker is wooden and still like the mountains, late in the
governor’s race, he also moved with the wind. Perhaps that is his strength. He
has a canny ability to lull his opponents into torpor and await a moment to
strike. As we gear up for whomever versus Squirrel! 2016, we should be open to
the possibility that winning may best be achieved by someone whose plans are
dark and impenetrable as the night, poised to fall like a thunderbolt, and
crafted from the extreme comfort of a throne made of the skulls of enemies."
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