In Memoriam: Matt Hooten

Matt shortly after he was hired as a Sheriff's Deputy.

8 years ago today, August 8, 2006, my friend Matt Hooten took his own life. He was just 23 years old. I’ve wanted to write about his death for years but the pain and the emotion involved in doing so was something I had not yet had the courage for.

His death had a profound effect on me. When I learned the circumstances it completely unraveled me to the core, breaking my heart. I’ll confess here and now that when I got the call about his untimely death, I cried uncontrollably, and I’m a man who rarely cries. I’ve broken down a few times since over different things; but this was the last time I remember that I did so in such prolonged agony. Every year on the anniversary of his death I’m reminded of him and how sad and cruel life can be. He was such a shy, intelligent, sensitive and thoughtful young man who had his whole life ahead of him. 

Matt and I developed a sort of Father/Son relationship when we began the odyssey of attempting to get through the rigors of an 880 hour, full time Police Academy at Yuba College in Marysville, CA.

Matt was one of the youngest cadets, at only 20 years old, I was the oldest at 44. Matt wasn’t in the best physical condition of his life. He was about 5 ft 9 and close to 200 pounds. He didn’t do anything to get himself into shape prior to the academy. He wasn’t alone in his fitness level, a large number of the 20 something men and woman weren’t in good physical condition either, but Matt was one of the worst.

In the first few weeks of physical training and academic testing one by one men and women started to drop out of the academy, 40 plus cadets started the training and only 26 graduated. Some didn’t make it because they couldn’t do it physically but most were kicked out for academic reasons. In the beginning Matt was struggling with the Physical Training. He was near the top academically in the classroom but last in the gym and on the long distance runs.

Matt always had a smile and a good attitude.

In order to graduate we had to be able to run a 99 yard timed obstacle course, drag a 165 pound body for 32 feet, run a timed 500 yard sprint,  run 1.5 miles in under 14 minutes and finally, be able to jump over a 6 foot wall. In the beginning Matt wasn’t finishing the 1.5 mile runs in time and couldn’t jump over the 6 foot wall.

Within the first few weeks Matt started to take some ribbing for his bad physical conditioning. In the academy cliques began to develop. Matt didn’t belong to any because he was shy and many thought he was to weak and wouldn’t make it physically. By the midway point the ribbing became progressively worse. The smart ass comments by a few of the guys in the academy started to get under my skin. I despise bullies and the situation with Matt was spinning out of control. 

One day after completing a long run Matt finished last. One of the notorious loud mouths started hurling insults at Matt. I finally blew my gasket and in front of all the cadets, I shouted, “LEAVE MATT ALONE! THE NEXT TIME ONE OF YOU SAYS SOMETIME SMART TO HIM I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!” From then on, at least to his face anyway, the insults stopped.  

After that I tried to make a point of talking to Matt and giving him moral support during breaks in the training. Matt shared his personal story with me as I got to know him. Matt’s Dad, Uncle and his Aunt were all in Law Enforcement. His Dad was a Sheriff’s Deputy for the San Joaquin County Sheriff’s Department in Stockton, CA. Stockton, at the time, was a very dangerous city and they lead the nation in grand theft auto. They were also one of the biggest gang and drug dealing cities in the state of California.  

Matt told me that he had always wanted to be a cop and went on many a ride-along as a teenager. In the same breath he would say what he really wanted to do was become a History major. He had a girlfriend that was pregnant when he joined the academy. She had a miscarriage while he was in training. Not long thereafter their relationship fell apart.

As the academy went along the stress to excel in order to graduate increased. It became apparent that Matt’s heart wasn’t truly in it, especially after the loss of the baby and the break up. He was still academically one of the best in the class and, as I’ve said, was struggling physically. I started to believe, though I never asked, that maybe the reason he didn’t drop out was due to family pressure. Whether it was real or imagined I’m certain it was a factor.

Matt and I on graduation day.

Matt lost some weight and continued to improve both physically and mentally. In the last 2 weeks of the academy he finally was able to scale the 6 foot wall. Matt made it to graduation day, despite the obstacles. I remember well the day we graduated. I praised him and told him how proud I was of him. I told him to stay in touch with me after we left the academy in May of 2004, which we did through phone calls and emails.

In October of 2004 I got a job as Police Officer in Sacramento. Not long after that Matt called me one day and told me he got a job as a Sheriff’s Deputy with San Joaquin County. Not always, but typically, what happens in large Sheriff’s departments is, once hired you start out working security in the courts. Such was the case with Matt. He told me that once he did his time in the courts he would get an opportunity, at some point, to be a patrolman.

When he told me that, I was leery about whether he was really capable of handling himself physically and emotionally as a patrolman in a dangerous city, such as Stockton, CA. Frankly, what I hoped, was that the department would keep him in the courts until he got older and became more mature, before giving him a patrol position. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen.

A few months later Matt called me and told he was getting his shot to be a patrolman. The first 90 days of patrol are a probationary period that required you to ride with a Field Training Officer (FTO). After the 90 days, if the FTO finds you competent, you start to go out on patrols alone.

Matt was within a week of finishing his probationary period when he and his FTO pulled over a vehicle that been reported stolen in Stockton one night. Grand Theft Auto is a felony offense and as such when a vehicle that has been reported stolen is stopped certain procedures must be used to ensure officer safety. Matt and his FTO followed the procedures to the letter but when the perpetrator exited the car he pulled a gun on them. Matt and the FTO already had their guns drawn; they fired them and killed the man. As they approached him after the shooting they noticed that the gun lying next to him was a fake black plastic handgun. It was a clearly a case of suicide by cop.

Matt called me the next day and told me what happened. He said he was doing okay with it because he knew it was a justifiable shooting. I knew that Matt would have to go on paid administrative leave until the investigation into the shooting was complete and that he'd have to undergo some psychological counseling as well.

During the conversation his demeanor seemed a little rattled by the experience; and who wouldn’t be after taking another man’s life, but I couldn’t detect anything out of the ordinary in his voice. I told him he could call me anytime if he needed someone to talk to and we said our goodbyes.

Ironically, Matt sent me this email on April 21, 2006. Little did he know 3 months later he’d be in the same life and death situation too.

Hello Everyone, I think the video in the below link is a must see for anyone who is in the law enforcement field. It was shown to us during briefing and it left all of us feeling sick at the end.

The video is of an encounter between a 24 year old Georgia Deputy and a 5150 subject who the Deputy had made a "routine" traffic stop on. What you see in the video when the suspect (S) walks back to his truck that he is loading rounds into a rifle. The Deputy did not fire at the (S) until he had been fired upon. What happens next is a valuable and costly officer safety lesson. The audio is as important as the visual on this video.  

(Note: I didn't include the video he sent me because I'm sure you can paint your own picture, the officer was shot and killed.)

 Thank You and Stay Safe,

Matthew Hooten, 
Deputy Sheriff II,
San Joaquin Sheriff's Department

Creepy isn't it?

Anyway, not long after the shooting, and I can’t say for sure how long, maybe 3 weeks, maybe a month, I got an email from his ex-girlfriend asking me to call her. This was the girlfriend that lost Matt's baby. Matt had met someone else when he was hired as a Sheriff’s Deputy, but I never met her. I heard later they had been engaged to be married.

When I called his ex-girlfriend to see what she wanted she told me the bad news. Bam! Like a hammer the guilt hit me that I hadn’t talked to him since the shooting to check up on him. She told me that Matt had just broken up with his new girlfriend the night before he killed himself, and that he’d been drinking heavily the day of the shooting.  

The combination of the fatal shooting he was involved in, then the breakup of his relationship with his girlfriend, then add alcohol and a gun to the mix and suddenly in an instant Matt’s life was over. I believe the real or imagined family pressure to be a cop was a contributing factor as well.

I was living in San Diego when he died but I drove up to the funeral in Stockton. It’s the first time in my life that someone I was close to killed himself, and subsequently a first time funeral as a result of suicide. The grief on his parent’s faces was something that I will never forget as long as I live. It is, without a doubt, one of the saddest days I’ve ever experienced in my life.

The truth is Matt had no business getting into law enforcement; he just wasn’t built for it. I wish Matt had followed his heart and become a history teacher. It’s another example of how extremely difficult life can be in law enforcement and why there is a higher than average suicide rate.

Matt was a great kid, I pray for his family and for his soul. My prayers go out to him, his family and his friends on this sad anniversary date. I’m sure he's running through the minds of all the people that loved and cared about him today.  

God Bless you Matt.