(First of all you must
know that Al-Anon is an anonymous fellowship so when you go to a meeting your
anonymity will always be respected and protected. I've made the personal choice
to speak about Al-Anon and reveal my identity. Please be aware that NO ONE is
required to reveal their first or even last name should you ever attend a
meeting. If you should decide to email me with questions about Al-Anon you have
my word that I will keep any information you share with me strictly
confidential.)
My Story
I'm starting my 4th year in
Al-Anon this year. I feel and see the tremendous
changes in my attitude and lifestyle almost every day as a result of this
program. I could write a 500 page book on just how much it's helped me to make
a paradigm shift in my thinking and start living a life that is much happier,
peaceful and fulfilling.
The first
Al-Anon meeting I attended was a Men's Adult Children of Alcoholics
meeting in Sacramento, CA.
From the get go at that first meeting I was so completely amazed that a room
full of 20 some guys could be so totally honest and open about how the disease
of alcoholism had affected them and how they had spun the negatives out of
their lives and replaced it with positives by using the 12 steps. I finally
knew I was in exactly the right place at exactly the right time in my life and
no, I wasn't the only person in this world who had these terrible personal
defects and problems.
After being in the program a while I realized that the
12 steps are a great
guideline to live by whether you're affected by alcoholism or not. They truly
apply to almost any problem solving situation there is.
The 12 steps are great but one of the readings they opened the meeting with
immediately shocked and surprised me in just how accurate the description was
for
Adult Children of Alcoholics but especially me. Somehow I thought maybe the
group had done an investigation into my personal background and that the
reading was directed at me personally. The reading, in 2 short pages described
exactly how the disease of alcoholism had affected me and what my character
defects were as a result and what the answer was to help me recover. It's a 2
part reading one being "The Problem" with the second being "The
Solution."
I'm not sure where it originated but I thank who ever did write it and I thank
the Higher Power for giving me the courage at long last to get myself to an
Al-Anon meeting 4 years ago. The reading is short but powerful and just as
intelligent in its simple descriptions. While this reading is directed at Adult
Children of Alcoholics it really applies to anyone who has suffered from the
disease of Alcoholism with a family member or friend.
I just want to thank all the wonderful men and women I've met in Al-Anon in Sacramento,
CA, San Diego, CA, Bend, OR, Long Beach, WA and Astoria, OR. Each person I've
met has contributed something to me individually and I'm so grateful that
you've helped in my recovery.
Enjoy the readings and Godspeed.
"The Problem"
Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of
being brought up in an alcoholic household.
We had come to feel isolated, uneasy with other people, especially authority
figures. To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers even though we lost
our own identities in the process. Personal criticism we perceived as a threat.
We either became alcoholics ourselves or married them or both. Failing that, we
found another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick
need for abandonment.
We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an overdeveloped sense of
responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves.
We somehow got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving
into others. Thus, we became reactors rather than actors, letting others take
the initiative.
We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost
anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally.
Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships that matched our childhood
relationships with our alcoholic parents.
These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism made us
"Co-victims", those who take on the characteristics of the disease
without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to stuff our feelings as
children and keep them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning we
confused love and pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more
self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring
constant upset to workable relationships.
This is a description, not an indictment.
"The Solution"
The solution is to become your own loving parent.
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see the
effects of alcoholism for what they are: a disease that affected you as a child
and continues to affect you as an adult. When you accept the concept of the
disease, you will see your parents and yourself as co-victims. You will learn
to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now, and free yourself from the
shame and the blame that are hangovers from the past. You will take the
responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.
You will not do this alone. Look around you, and you will see that other men
and women know exactly how you feel. We know where you're coming from because
we've been there. We will love and support you no matter what. We want you to
accept us as Brothers and Sisters just as we already accept you.
We look now to our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our
actually parent is a Higher Power that we call God. And if God gave us
alcoholic parents, God also gave us
The Al-Anon Twelve Steps of Recovery.
We use the Steps. We use the Slogans. We use the telephone. And we share our
experience, strength, and hope with each other. This work enables us to heal
our defects and sick thinking one day at a time. We release our parents from
the responsibility for our actions today and thus become free to make healthy
decisions as actors, not reactors.
This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We're sure that
as the love grows inside of you, you'll see beautiful changes in all of your
relationships, especially with your God, with your parents, and with yourself.
This is the
Al-Anon web link if you have more questions about the program or
want to find a meeting near you.
